Haanikaarak Parenting : A Reality Check...

Last week I went to watch Aamir Khan's much awaited and hyped DANGAL and honestly speaking, I was not disappointed. The magician that he is, he kept me hypnotized for 160 full minutes. I watched the entire film with rapt attention, cheering every time the father was successful in his endeavor and feeling sad for him whenever anything went astray his trajectory. Once I was back home, my dad asked me if I too had felt at any point of life that I too had a “Haanikaarak MAA" and spontaneously came the reply. “Oh Yes!! ALWAYS". 😂 

Now those who know me, know well that Mum has been an extremely strict mother but quite friendly at the same time and Papu is the one who has been my knight in the shining armor all through, albeit with his own streak of discipline. Every time I saw Aamir Khan taking a strong step for his daughters, be it the golgappa treat or the hair cutting ceremony, I could not help but recall my childhood. Yes I too underwent those trials and tribulations. The very scene where Geeta called up her dad after all the loss and the way her dad handled everything, I too cried along with her. Not because the scene was emotional, but because I too had done the very same thing with Mum. 

It was then that I realized, be it Mum or Aamir Khan's character from the film, if any parent actually has good intentions for his child, is it justified to create all such dramas because you want your offspring to take a step you have decided for him ?? I feel if a parent is supportive, he would support his child in every decision the child makes. Yes, the guidance part is always there. After all, they are far more experienced than us. But decision-making should be left for the child. 

Sometimes when I am doing nothing, I think, had I lived life on my own terms, what would have been the outcome. Surely not the way my life is shaped up at present. Doesn't mean I am not happy. I indeed am very much. But I don't have any decision to own up to today. I took science because my parents thought I was good at it. I went for engineering because my parents felt that would provide me a less struggling path as compared to other career options. I married Vinod because my parents thought he was the best match for me. Not that they have been proven wrong at any step till date. But I have missed the opportunity of taking a decision of my own and committing mistakes if my decision were proven wrong.

 I am a mature adult today. Smart enough to differentiate between a fake and a real and bold enough to call a spade, spade. Now when I think rationally, I feel our parents are quite protective and insecure. Protective because they love us unconditionally and can't see us in despair. Insecure because they care for the society they live in. Both these traits are justified, but only till a certain limit. Once they go overboard expressing it, our lives are screwed up. Owing to the protective shield which they cover their children with, the parents often tend to forget that their offspring is an individual, not their replica. They want their children to tread on the same path which they went on, just because that is tried, tested and a safe one. No two individuals have or will ever be same. So isn't it obvious that we might err on the safe path too ?? May be the path which we left was meant to be a better one for us! 

People care for the society way too much. In the quest of seeing their kids at the top spot, they don't even bother to ask them if the kid is enjoying his journey. I remember once after my Xth board exams, while discussing my maths paper with Papu, we came across 1 Mark error. I was disheartened, not to score a 100 but seems God had different plans for me. When the results were out, I had scored 96. One of the neighborhood aunties asked Mum, "kyun 3 marks kahaan Gaye ??”😂 Thankfully Mum did not ask me the same question. However, that day onward, I surely had sympathy for that aunty's children. 

With times changing, parents have indeed become more and more tolerant. They don't bug their children for every petty thing. If only they trust their creation and let them explore the life by themselves, what a beautiful world it would be !! They need to understand that they would be the first ones their little ones went to whenever they have any major issue. Their advice was and will always be valuable, but it's not necessary we follow them religiously. Every person has his own abilities and parents should help them preserve their individuality and uniqueness rather than chaining them in the shackles of expectations. 

P.S. I am not a parent and not even being close to one in the near future. They say parenting is a difficult thing to do and easy to comment on. I am here only to present my views.