Birthday Season...!!!!

Like every year, I have been going gaga  over my birthday from the past few weeks and this time I guess, even more. Well its not every year that you turn 30. I have been on an emotional roller coaster ride, being overwhelmed thing about how I am about to complete 3 decades of my life, and being depressed over how worthless has my life been, the very next moment. My situation presently closely resembles to that of the FRIENDS Episode "The One in Which They All Turn 30". Seeing my age as 29 years for the last time on a railway ticket made me sad. I wanted to be 29 till further announcement, but again was lured by the idea of turning 30 and then 31 and then 32 and so on..I want to be 16 forever, but also be a wine that turns better when older... I must say life's never been so confusing !!!

I feel excited thinking of having spent almost 30 years being alive. Not that I can remember them all, but I have anecdotes from the elders to support the fact that I exist beyond my memories... When I look back, I have had quite an easy going life that I spent laid back inside my comfort zone. I had my own shares of troubles and issues which have in some way, been responsible in shaping me up the way I am today. Issues with friends, parental pressures, teenage problems, strong crushes and heartbreaks, name anything and I have experienced that. Moving ahead, when I got married, I saw many ups and downs there too.. On one side, when I can't thank my stars enough for getting a family like my new one, I have also faced a lot many issues which we are not to discuss now.. :D

On the brink of turning 30, I also feel like a loser.. I don't stand where I had imagined myself when young. Well i am married and into a decent job, yet I am nowhere close to what I had planned for myself,say, even 5 years back...that is demotivating.Not that I haven't enjoyed this journey.. I have lived each and every moment and may be traded that momentary happiness for the long term goal. All these have been totally worth it. But going forward and setting some long term goal scares me now. What if I set some goals and 5 or 10 years down the line, again fail to achieve them ?? It'll be like I lived my life on my own terms and conditions but repenting in the end. I realize the problem is a very complex one.. I evolve time to time.. Today I am not what I was 5 years back and might not be the same 5 years later..!!!

Keeping aside all the confusing thoughts, I had a very straight forward and clear thought in my mind when it came to my birthday celebration this year. I wanted to make my 30th birthday a very special one.. I have planned to visit my parents and celebrate the big day with them, but don't know how... They along with my husband have been bearing the brunt all these times. All the ideas everyone has been coming up with hasn't impressed me. Now that the Big Day is hardly a week away, and I am still in the same state, it somehow dawned me 3rd march also happens to be the 30th birthday of my parents' parenthood, my grandparent's grandparenthood, and my brother's brotherhood.. Well no.. he became a brother the day he was born... Perks of being an older sibling... ;) Being my parent's first child and also the first at my maternal family, I have always been showered with lots of love and affection, rather far more than I ever demanded. And here I have been, thinking about myself all the time...!!!! Isn't this a special day for them too ?? Don't they also deserve a  celebration ? 

Keeping these thoughts in mind, I realize lucky are the ones who get a chance to celebrate their big day... Luckier are those who celebrate it with the ones who made it possible... !!!! :)